February 2012
3 posts
What the fucking fuck, seriously.
I’m watching Mad Men. It’s pretty good. However, there’s one main issue. The men in this show, all have mistresses, that are UGLIER THAN THEIR WIVES. I know, I know - “It’s all personal opinion, TJ.” No, it isn’t - fuck you. Want proof? Here’s the most damning evidence:
Apparently, Peter Campbell would rather have sex with HER…
...
Things That Are Bad Suck :(((
The boy you punched in the hall today…committed suicide a few minutes ago. That girl you called a slut in class today…she’s a virgin. The boy you called lame…he has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day…she’s already being abused at home. That girl you called fat…she’s starving herself. The old man you...
January 2012
5 posts
One Day I'll Tell This Story On Stage
2 Days after Xmas, my 17 year old sister ran away from home, to go be with a 27 year old in California, with whom she had apparently started a relationship online.
And, you know, the thing about it is…it’s just so…SAD, to think about…how disappointed that guy musta been when he saw what she looked like in real life.
Like, I wonder how bummed he was when he realized that...
http://tinyurl.com/87xhswo
“A new survey reveals 57% of Americans are reporting they plan to reduce their debt in 2012 and 50% plan to save more.”
In other news, 84% of those surveyed on New Year’s Day said they’re “totally gonna quit smoking,” while 97% reportedly state that they’re “never drinking again, dude.”
TJ's back
I’m gonna start posting on my Tumblr again. I’m also going to stop using it as a place to bitch about loneliness.
Not being an old virgin anymore really helps.
Instead, I’m going to use Tumblr for what it was meant for - pictures of adorable animals
I can’t wait to have a pug again :D
Why is this ok...
…
But this isn’t?
…
I sure know which one *I* find more offensive…
February 2010
1 post
A Fuck Yes Kinda Weekend
sometimes you just love kicking ass
“If only my priest could wear leather, then he’d be a true discipline daddy”
January 2010
5 posts
Name withheld due to potential embarrassment
: (1:24:16 AM) so
: (1:24:19 AM) a few hours ago
: (1:24:24 AM) im watching porn
: (1:24:32 AM) and the guys making small talk with the girl and shit
: (1:24:41 AM) and he goes “oh whens the first time you sucked a dick”
: (1:24:49 AM) and she goes “when i was 8”
: (1:24:54 AM) and then i lost my boner
: (1:24:55 AM)...
New Horse The Band is some next level shit.
Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing...
Hey look at me i can operate a vehicle
Vroom vroom, motherfucker
maybe they were made for each other
December 2009
10 posts
Sour Skittles
you make my mouth not wanna feel feelings anymore
Irreversible: "Resonance" - the best 15 minutes of... →
click on the link to their myspace. go get this album. trip off your ass. repeat step 3 til sleep. wake up and write down what you dreamt.
class dismissed
"I don't have a phone" should be translated by the...
I just realized that in my head, I confused the two state sponsored catchphrases “Click it Or Ticket” and “Booze It And Lose It.” Until just this second, I thought it was “Booze it Or Lose It.”
Which if you think about it, would be a much more fun law.
- TJ
MERRY CHRISTMAS. THIS JUST IN.
People getting mad about someone saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” because “Christmas is about Jesus” literally sound like Star Trek nerds getting mad about someone saying Borgs instead of Borg
Borg is singular and plural, motherfucker!
lately i really like
Ice
used to hate it, now I love it, want it in everything
i wonder what’s next on my list of new addictions
SMOKE NIGHT
I'm so excited, feel my nips
you could cut glass with those bad boys
they’re doin stuff they’ve never done before
“i’ve spent my life trying to be cool, trying to dress cool, trying to...”
– patton oswalt
November 2009
3 posts
The Life Cycle
unconscious -> conscious -> self-conscious -> altered conscious ->
repeat, each day
anyone else have the same one as me?
“I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it’s unfair...”
– anonymous
March 2009
3 posts
This took me way too long to blog
There once were wolves that lived in the forest
Stealing the food from Mcdonald’s thats good not for us
Then they discovered that they totally could
Smoke the plants that were in the woods
So they smoked all that wild weed
Turned into humans with mental facilities
But the sheriff hates wolves that try to be humans
So he tries every single day to kill them
With a bommbbbbbbb
And...
February 2009
7 posts
Oli Sykes is so fucking awkward
In case you don’t know who that is, it’s the lead singer of the world’s number #1 sceney metalcore band, Bring Me The Horizon. He also happens to be quite the heartthrob, apparently.
How this came to be, I don’t know, since he is literally the most awkward looking human being I have ever seen - seen here looking like the douchebag son of Mick Mars.
Now, I admit it, I...
In the future, everyone will wear one of these.
you can tell shit’s about to go south by the fact that they’re smiling
So I was looking at the science of addiction on-line, and I found this picture that’s clearly supposed to mean that addiction is hurtful, due to the fact that the hand is a skeleton:
BUT WHAT IF THE PILLS WERE WHAT COULD HAVE SAVED HIM
It's Friday the 13th.
For one reason or another, if you really think about it, you get worse luck the more that you … really think about it, it being pretty much anything. Therefore, Friday the 13th puts me in a uniquely difficult situation:
THE TH IS BLEEDING
BLEEDING IS SCARY
I AM NOW SCARED OF THIS DAY
